Its about making memories worth repressing
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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