Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
