The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
