maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
