to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
