Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
