last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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