Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
