Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Even my vagina gasped.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
