Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The ass gains better be worth it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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