I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
