Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
