I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
