And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
