i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
