You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
