It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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