Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
