I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
