i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
