Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
