We're like a lot better than the average bears
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im six kinds of drunk right now
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
