We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
