Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
