I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
