i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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