and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
