My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
