i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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