Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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