I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
