I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
