Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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