I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
