When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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