Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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