marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
