I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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