He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i've created a new STD.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
