There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The air taste purple.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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