I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
