guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
