You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
