so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
