eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
