THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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