Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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