is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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