that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
