I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
