I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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